spring is officially upon us and with a new season comes a new handmade zine sent straight from my house to yours.

the quiet list spring edition zine is here!

what’s inside

inside you’ll find spring-filled lists to remind you of the beauty of the season, how now is the perfect time to start again, book recommendations perfect for spring, hobby ideas and more. wait for it to arrive in the post, feel the pages turn in your hands, leave it on your desk as a reminder of all the little joys that are to come this season.

if you’d like one, please click here, or if you’re a paid subscriber, your 100% off code is below the paywall.

i hope you love it as much as i enjoyed making it.

if you do enjoy it, a review on my etsy shop would mean the world!

okay that’s all from me this week. i’ll see you again soon in the sun room <3

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other than my birthday, today is my favourite day of the year. daylight savings. suddenly the world is right again, the picture on the wall has been tilted back to a straightened position, the perfect amount of milk has been added to my tea, my crops are growing, my skin is thriving.

to celebrate this wonderful time of year, i’m offering 20% off paid subscriptions, just in time for next week’s quiet list zine too. if you fancy something handmade posted through your letterbox every season, as well as more personal subscriber-only posts that i don’t want the whole world to see, now is the perfect time to upgrade.

get 20% off

how has march been for you? it’s been a long month but hasn’t felt like it at all. every morning i have noticed our bedroom covered in slightly more sunlight when i wake up, and it makes me so eager to start my day. i love walking into the sun room and not having to turn on a light, i love going for walks without a scarf, i love breathing in all the magnolia-scented potential in the air.

as always, feel free to leave your own little joys and sorrows in the comments as your form of reflection this month. i always love to hear what has made your month special to you.

okay, let’s get into the lists.

thank you for being here and supporting the sun room. your support means so much <3

little joys

• coming downstairs each morning and practically running to the kitchen windowsill to see how much our seedlings have grown, saying good morning to them, telling them how beautiful they are, wishing them a nice day looking out onto the garden.

• giving my desk a complete refresh and feeling like i’m dusting off the winter just like nature is doing outside my window.

• and how it’s like looking in a mirror now, all my hobbies facing me, radiating joy every time i sit down at my desk (big fan of my new washi tape display).

• finally finding clarity with something i’ve been struggling with for a long time. substack hasn’t felt fun for a while and i think it’s because the numbers got to my head a little. but turning off stats and my sub count has already made such a difference. i’m enjoying getting back to the type of writing i was doing when i first joined the platform.

• and thinking about the shift that’s happened online, we’ve gone from posting pictures of our food and random unfiltered pictures twice a month to becoming mini businesses with content schedules and perfectly curated feeds. i’m trying to get back to a place where being online doesn’t feel like work but just another hobby, including substack. i’m already feeling like a weight has been lifted.

• slowly coming out of my s.a.d and starting my mornings with something physical in my hands instead of a screen: my journal, the velvet moon gazette (a lovely newspaper on girlhood), my cup of oat milk tea of course, lighting candles on cloudy mornings.

• finally getting to use my spring-themed mugs.

• swapping out my autumn/winter decor around the house for spring ones, watching the house come to life a little

• getting ready to do the same to my wardrobe very soon!

• feeling the heat of the sun on my skin again, reminding myself of how much i missed this just a couple of months ago and drinking it all up like sweet lemonade.

• seeing my favourite shade of blue in the skies again.

• seeing baby leaves unfurl on trees, my all-time favourite sight to see.

• watching our garden slowly come to life, thinking about all the future trips to the garden centre, all the flowers i’ll get to watch from my window.

• discovering colouring as a new hobby and wanting to fill every spare moment i have with it (you can colour with me here if you like :’)

• getting a job!! and having a really good first shift!

join me in the sun room

little sorrows

• i am in a major reading slump and it has affected my ability to write short fiction. feeling very uninspired at the moment

• it’s getting brighter which means i have no excuse anymore, i’m going to have to venture out and do the horrendous task of making friends as an adult in a new city

• forever wanting to be someone who goes to the cinema solo and but finds there’s never anything i want to watch that’s playing

• i haven’t played on my switch in a while but i can feel another animal crossing obsession on the (new) horizon(s) (sorry)

• i injured my chest and back the other week from a pilates workout and it was genuinely scary not being able to move for a couple hours because of the pain. haven’t done a floor-based workout since.

wow that was a lot of joys this month! spring really does something to the soul. thank you for reading this week’s post, i hope you enjoyed it. don’t forget to drop your own little joys and little sorrows in the comments if you’d like.

next week’s post will be the release of the quiet list zine spring edition! paid subscribers will get a 100% off code to use in my etsy shop, but if you can’t upgrade just yet, you can still get one for just £3. look forward to that next week :’)

in the meantime, if you missed it, here is my latest post with a long comforting spring-filled list and here is a cosy hobby with me vlog where you can watch me make a start on this season’s zine.

okay that’s all from me this week. i’ll see you next week in the sun room <3

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i hope you’ve rested over the winter. i hope you took things a little slower and waited for the daffodils to poke their tiny heads from the soil before you told yourself you had to be productive. truthfully, you don’t ever have to be productive, simply being alive, breathing, giving your houseplants the carbon dioxide they need to survive is productive. but if you had some goals you wanted to achieve, some rituals you wanted to solidify, now is the time.

like the tiny seedlings in the pots on my kitchen windowsill, we’re going to take it slow. trees and flowers and tall blades of grass don’t appear overnight, they take time, and so should we. the ideas we’ve had over the winter should excite us now, they should begin to take shape and form, begin to poke their own tiny heads above the soil and materialise before us.

and while we warm our palms to pick up our paint brushes, pens, crochet needles, garden tools, wooden spoons, we have an abundance of things to look forward to all around us. there’s so much to do, so much to see! here are some ways we can embrace the nature of spring and enjoy everything it has to offer:

• notice the sunshine filtering through the trees and then filtering through net curtains or through the leaves of your houseplants and making pretty patterns on your carpets or wood floors

• the random patches of your floors at home that have been loved by the sun and stepping on them unknowingly with bare feet, staying there for a while

• deciding now is the perfect time to start experimenting with baking, starting small with some cinnamon rolls, an apple and blackberry crumble, cookies and gaining the confidence slowly to branch out to something more decadent

• coming home from work guided by the sun instead of the moon trapped behind clouds

• sunsets you can watch from your sofa instead of the obstructed view from your office window because you’ll be at home when the sun ends her longer shifts

• finding the perfect sun drenched spot on the sofa to read books on

• vibrant green leaves poking their heads out of bare tree branches, how excited they must feel, how fresh and new it all is for them

• welcoming new hobbies, like for me, colouring has really taken off in this household, my partner even gave it a try. he loves it.

• there’s currently a spring sale on steam at the moment, grab a cosy game or two to settle into the season with

• and sinking into the 3.0 animal crossing update and designing the island of your dreams in slumber islands (instant bridges! i’m still not over it)

• sun salutations. now that the sun is actually visible and i can feel it on my arms through my windows, starting the day with some gratitude feels just right

• reminding yourself through the season that spring is the official time for new beginnings, that now is as perfect a time as any to start again

• the abundance of tiny daisies poking out of slightly overgrown grass

• wildflowers in general

• waking up to blue skies, sunshine and birdsong

• switching something up in your life, spring cleaning, rearranging. i recently completely rearranged the layout of my desk and it feels so refreshing along with spring blossoming outside my window

• nature walks without boots, hats, long coats and scarves, letting the edges of blades of grass tickle your calves, being able to hold the weightless life of a flower in your hand, having the physical freedom to take in everything nature has to offer

• light jackets

• making art, writing stories and promising that you won’t show anyone or post it online. engaging with projects without external validation

• that random week in early to mid may where it is nearly too hot and you wonder if it’s too early for a sundress and you start to think about the weeks on end where you’ll have the opportunity to wear that sundress again and again and again

• the perfect degree of heat on your cheeks

• saying goodbye to your long winter coats and thick jumpers

• the call of the soft life getting louder, filling your home with fresh flowers, slow walks through parks with friends, drinking tea and coffee outdoors and people watching, watching life unfold once again

hello quiet readers, happy spring!!! my partner and i recently bought some seeds at the garden centre and we’ve been waking up to see how much they’ve grown every morning. they really do grow up so fast :’) i can’t tell you how much joy i have now that i have a garden for the first time. i cannot wait to finish preparing it and get these flowers outside! i just really need to get over my fear of bugs and buzzing noises lol.

i hope you’ve had a lovely week, and if not, there’s always next week. take it slow today, do something nice for yourself. maybe take some inspiration from this week’s post and write a list of your own of all the things you want to try this season. it doesn’t have to be a lot, just something to spark joy :’)

if you missed it, here is my latest cosy hobby with me youtube video, zine making! and here is my latest post, a diary entry on a spring-filled trip to the postbox.

okay, that’s all from me. i’ll see you next week in the sun room <3

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anyway, here i am, the day before mother’s day, trimming pieces of paper and glueing them together and wondering what to write in this card that doesn’t sound too repetitive and quietly hating myself for being so last minute, again. i finish up the card, slip it into the envelope and leave my house to begin walking, or fighting, my way through a crisp spring morning breeze that is so crisp you might even call it sharp. i am wearing a jumper and the t-shirt i slept in underneath and this five degree wind is taking no prisoners. i saw the sun shining and a blue sky and forgot it was still early march, not the middle of june. the postbox is only two streets away but this walk feels like a pilgrimage.

while i walk, i glance down at the envelope in my icy grip and notice that you can easily work out some shaky cursive that says happy mother’s day underneath. the envelope has a 2nd class stamp on it, meaning it will take two to three working days to arrive, a stamp i had leftover from eagerly buying too many when i was shipping out my winter zines. thank god for that optimism, otherwise i would have been subjected to spending an ungodly amount on one of those cards you make online and get a company to ship it out for you without ever holding it in your hands first.

i’m hoping the postman who comes to collect this or the person at the sorting office catches a glance of my quaint handwriting and “accidentally” drops it in the 1st class bag. it wouldn’t be the first time a 2nd class stamp arrived somewhere much too early. it’s the main reason i never send things 1st class anymore.

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i hear a woodpecker in the distance. the wind is whipping past my face, a sound i will soon be engineering myself with an old letter that’s been lying around the house or a coveted piece of cardboard my partner and i will fight over come the inevitable heatwaves in the summer, but i could still hear its unmistakable mini drumrolls. i don’t remember the first time i heard a woodpecker, but i do remember the first time my partner told me it was so. now i always think of him when i hear one. i think of him every time i see a bird really, (he’s a big bird guy) more so pheasants or birds of prey, not so much pigeons.

but when i look up at a particular tree, and something small and green catches my eye, the woodpecker and all other sounds cease to exist. here it is, once again, my favourite view in the world. baby leaves. new life is happening once again all around us. i’ve been squinting my eyes at the trees across the street from my window in the hopes of seeing tiny speckles of growth to no avail, but on this brisk walk to the postbox ,where all i’m thinking about is hoping this stamp will morph into a first class stamp when i put it through the magical red portal, i am treated unexpectedly.

they’re small and curved and the freshest shade of green you’ve ever seen. they’re almost transparent. the early morning sun passes straight through them and i’m sure if i went a little closer, i might be able to see their tiny veins and darker spots of green versus lighter ones, the same way i attempt to blend my new alcohol markers to achieve the same look.

it amazes me every year. i never, and will never, get tired of this sight, and i think that’s one of the wonderful things about being human and being alive. i love that my eyes are able to see this, up close, the colour, the texture, the size, the detail. i love that i am able to comprehend what i’m looking at, new growth, new life, a spectacle, something i barely understand yet can still appreciate. i love that this happens every year but i am still filled with awe every year. that i am capable of appreciating the sun rise and set every single day and never get bored. i love that nature is always changing yet it is always the same but it will never disappoint me, it will never bore me. how wonderful it is to be alive and witness other things come to life.

i slip my envelope into the postbox and on my way back home, a cherry blossom petal brushes my cheek, i look out for more baby leaves, i don’t hear the woodpecker again. my hands are cold, but not for long. spring is here.

hello quiet readers, i hope you enjoyed this week’s post! i had a good time writing this one. who knew so much could happen on a three-minute walk to a postbox :’) daylight savings is just around the corner and i cannot wait, it's like a second christmas honestly. it never fails to excite me every year and i love it.

i hope you have a calming sunday ahead. if you’d like to hang out in the sun room a little longer, here is my last post on how i keep to a daily journaling routine and here is my latest youtube video where i explore a new hobby, colouring!

thank you for being here. i’ll see you next sunday, in the sun room <3

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after i brush my teeth, splash cold water on my face and make my first cup of tea, i step into the sun room (our second bedroom), flick the switch on my desk lamp and reach over to get my journal. i have many journals, but this is the only one i use every day. this is where i record my days in two or three sentences and track certain habits. it’s a simple practice, but one that gives me a sense of stability, repetition, peace. if i miss a day, something doesn’t feel right. my day feels slightly off kilter, and not just because this means i will have to work my memory extra hard to remember what i did for the past two days instead of one.

opening this little planner first thing every morning makes me feel like i’m slipping my feet into warm slippers. familiarity. safety. in the same way i know the sun will rise every morning and my kettle will make the same roaring noise in the kitchen below me, there’s something soothing about knowing exactly what’s going to happen next, that my planner will be waiting for me in its usual place, and i’ll open it at my desk when the sun has reached a familiar place in the sky.

the rest of the day may go in a completely different direction. my mornings are carefully structured until it’s time for my workout and shower around noon. after that, it’s anybody’s guess. but having these grounded mornings means i’ll be a little more ready for it. and if for some reason today is simply not the day, and nothing productive gets done, i’ll know in the back of my mind that at least the morning was good.

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i’ve seen endless aesthetic images of people’s journals and yearned to have one just like them, effortless and minimal. they track seemingly every part of the human experience that fluctuates in some way, allowing yourself to look into a mirror of straight lines, numbers and data. but adhering to this one aesthetic quickly took the fun out of it. i thought journaling would be something i would enjoy as someone who loves to write, loves organisation and will use any excuse to buy new stationery, but journaling became a chore. i was dreading sitting before my planner, filling out various bits of information i quite frankly didn’t care enough about to record. and it was incredibly boring to look at. another year or so wouldn’t pass until i made this hobby, now one of my favourites, work for me. and i hate to think that i could have missed out on something that brings me so much joy just because of what i saw online.

i spoke a little more about this in my latest youtube video where you can actually come and journal alongside me. and don’t forget to subscribe! <3

journal with me

i used to record what i ate, what i was watching, what i was reading, and it quickly became overwhelming. i’m sure there are journalers out there that love that sort of thing, but i’m not one of them. what lights me up the most is the decorating part (and i must admit i get a hit of dopamine every time i look at my line graphs). i used to miss days and get upset with myself, judge myself for not being self-disciplined enough. but ever since adjusting my approach, i haven’t missed a day since 1st january.

as i get older, i am realising, in all aspects of my life, that i am not a monochromatic sort of person. my wardrobe is currently filled with a lot of neutral colours, but i’m slowly starting to introduce some more pastels and actual colours in there too (maybe there really is something about turning 29…) and the same can be said for my little planner. i want it to be colourful and cute and something fun to return to.

now i have a simple routine that reinforces who i am every morning, almost like giving myself a little hug. instead of tracking every single thing under the sun, here are the few bits i want to remember and record on a daily basis:

my month at a glance

the first few pages of my planner are blank calendar pages where i write various events, birthdays and reminders in. as you may know, i’m not the most extroverted so these pages can be a little empty at times, but that doesn’t mean introverts can’t be planner people too. i make a note of when i need to return my library books, if i spent most of the day in the garden, i might mark that as garden day in there, and if had a spontaneous trip to town previously in the week, that gets put in there too. it’s less of an organisational tool and more of a reflection of my life, something i can flick back to and see where i was at in that point in time, what my life looked like, whether i seemed happy. so past events i forgot about also get entered.

this is also one of the sections i use to express my creativity. each month has a colour to me, so i try to decorate that page using washi tape, pens and stickers of that colour. for instance, march is a light green, the colour of baby leaves sprouting on trees, fresh grass, new beginnings. so this will be a very green page. this also corresponds to the graph pages in the back that i’ll talk about below. april is pink because of the cherry blossoms, july is pink because that’s my birthday so it’s favourite colour, but september is purple and november is navy because it just is.

a short reflection of the day

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it’s march. we made it. but i have to confess, i’ve already started daydreaming about spring. i just couldn’t wait. there are spring-themed tea towels hanging beneath my kitchen counter as we speak. and that one random warm day we had in the uk this week didn’t help. but i have no regrets.

february has been a strange month, equally nourishing and depleting. this was the month i downloaded tiktok and heavily regretted it, the month i introverted too close to the sun and realised i hadn’t seen any of my friends in well over a month. but also the month i discovered my love for stationery all over again and allowed myself to soften a little. i posted this note a while ago about how i feel like there are two versions of myself and how i can never choose one. but maybe i don’t need to choose one, perhaps i can just oscillate between the two. and just in time for spring, i’m feeling to embrace my love for soft colours again.

what about you? what are you reflecting on? how excited are you for spring or will you deeply miss those cosy, misty mornings. if you’re comfortable, feel free to drop your own little joys and sorrows in the comments, and let’s shake the frost off our shoulders and prepare for warmth once more.

okay, let’s get into the lists.

thank you for being here and supporting the sun room. your support means so much <3

little joys

• that one day in the uk where it was 17 degrees and we got a quick taste of what’s right around the corner. serotonin.

• and being in our garden that day, for more than three minutes just to hang the washing, and taking it in that this is ours, that we’ll be sitting out here for hours in just a couple of months, that we’ll eat lunches out here, read books together out here, watch the trains go by together, watch the clouds go by, watch our flowers grow and our vegetables wilt, fall in love all over again out here, wonder how we came this far from sitting in cemeteries to avoid neighbours to having our own uninterrupted patch of land to call ours. god i can’t wait.

• trips to the library and taking out way too many books, feeding my inner matilda

• changing the name of this newsletter and finally feeling like it’s perfect since starting it back in 2023! and your lovely support of the change <3

• sending snail mail to my lovely readers! i loved filling up little envelopes with a zine and some stickers and sending them off in a postbox to soon arrive in someone else’s hands. i’m so excited to do it again for spring!

• becoming a regular at one of the market stalls in town that sells the Cutest earrings and washi tapes (pink gummy bear earrings are currently my fave)

• the stationery crawl i went on earlier this month to equally acquaint myself with my new hometown and feed my insatiable stationery and sticker collecting habit

• seeing my best friend in london for a day, rejuvenating the soul, exercising my stomach muscles with belly laughs, defining my laugh lines, filling my cup back up

• my pinterest feed (the only feed i care about) is top tier at the moment, reminding me i have free will and that my house can look exactly how i want it to with the power of a hot glue gun, paint and some self-confidence

• reading the 12 week year with my other bestie and having weekly “meetings” with her to discuss the book and prepare our plans together. the only type of work meeting i want on my calendar tbh

little sorrows

• 2026 is doing me dirty so far with two periods a month. please choose another soldier

• looking up healthy recipes as a person with allergies and intolerances to nuts, eggs, cow’s milk and raw fruit and veg is a quickfire route to a depressive episode i’ve found

• seriously though what do i eat

• leaving the master copy of my zine in the copier at the library, rookie mistake come on candice

• there’s a cool thing happening with the planets on saturday and i probably won’t be able to see it because i live in the land of clouds (edit 01/26: i saw it!! it was radiant!!)

hello quiet readers, thank you for reading this week’s post, i hope you enjoyed. as always, feel free to drop your little joys and little sorrows in the comments. i always love to read your favourite moments of the past month :’)

if you liked this and want similar soft things weekly in your inbox, you can subscribe for free below. i’ll see you next week <3

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i have spent the past two weeks in a whirlwind of confusion and self doubt. i watched a video on youtube that annoyed me then intrigued me then excited me in the span of just a few minutes. now it has annoyed me again. i have briefly been sucked back into the world of social media, of content creation, of maybe it could work this time. i’ve said so much about just deleting the apps, about getting offline and reintroducing yourself to yourself through hobbies and passions and things you loved as a child. but then that video got me thinking, have i been saying the wrong thing? is social media really that bad? have i just been too afraid to try, for the fear that i am not as strong as i thought, for the fear that i would tip into the addiction like everyone else? it’s easy to preach getting offline if you find it easy. it’s easy when you never downloaded tiktok in the first place to tell others they don’t need it. it’s easy to say instagram is a waste of time when you’ve exhausted the platform entirely, when you’ve made so many accounts you wonder if someone at instagram thinks about you at night, thinks about you as they wonder if this job is really worth it anymore, thinks damn, that girl really can’t get enough, is instagram her entire life? i thought i escaped. instagram bores me, that is a fact. i’ll never go back. but tiktok could easily consume me. but then i watched that video and i thought: could i handle it?

the video references an article about our relationship with the machine, how most of us just accepted technology into our lives without really understanding it. i saw the clear waters of tiktok, i saw how deep those waters go, i saw the danger of drowning, but maybe i was concentrating on the wrong thing. maybe i just had to understand the app better. maybe there was more to see. look how clear the water is! what if i justed enjoyed the water close to shore, keep my head above water, i don’t have to be submerged. if i can carry the instagram app in my pocket on a daily basis and almost forget it’s there entirely, maybe i can give tiktok a try. i’ll do what the video says, use it as a tool. that’s what a lot of people say now, don’t run away from it, use social media as a tool, the same way i buy myself an extra large bar of chocolate and say i’ll only eat one row a day (i of course do not eat just one row a day). but it’s just something people say, no one actually does that, do they? i didn’t.

the pull. i forgot about the pull. it had only been a day or two with the new, shiny, unfamiliar square on my apps screen and yet every empty moment in my day had already been snatched away by the thought of scrolling. when i first made my account and logged in, the first video on my feed said hi ik ur on ur secret acc, let’s be friends. did it recognise my email address as something as obviously unserious, something i’d only use for a secret account? did it know me this intimately already? either way, i scrolled to the next video and perhaps i spent too long on that first video or it knew i screenshotted it and sent it to my friend, but the next video said having a secret acc is peaceful like me and my 4 followers against the world. this thing wants to know me. it wants me to know that it can reach the very depths of my psyche without me even knowing. it says keep going, let me show you what else i can do, let me hold up this mirror, let me tell you about yourself. that or these videos are what they show the majority of new accounts and maybe 80% of the time it’s applicable. who’s creating their first ever tiktok account nowadays. either way, my daily screentime on my phone went from around two hours a day to an average of six.

the rest of this post is for paid subscribers. upgrade your subscription or begin a free trial to find out how tiktok triggered a health anxiety panic, why spending such little time on this app prompted me to question my entire personality and my final thoughts at the end of this experiment. thank you for supporting the sun room :’)

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at almost this exact same time last month, i was getting ready to send you a letter telling you that i was changing the name of this newsletter to oat milk diaries. oat milk diaries is the name of my youtube channel and personal website and since finding quiet wasn’t sitting right with me (and hadn’t been for a while, it feels too “brand-y”), i thought it would be best to make both names the same, for business reasons or something. but then i remembered that i am not a business woman lol, and most importantly, that’s not why i made this substack, or my youtube channel or my personal website. i did all those things because it felt like a fun thing to do in the moment.

i thought it would be best not to rush into the new name, and it’s a good thing i didn’t because oat milk diaries still didn’t seem to fit the vibe i was going for here either. but i think i’ve found it now.

welcome to the sun room.

you may have seen me mention that my partner and i call our office the sun room because it’s the room that gets the most light. it’s also the only room that is actually completely decorated since we moved back in october, my favourite room in our house and where i do all of my writing. as soon as the sun room popped into my head as the potential new name for this newsletter, it felt right straight away. every time i sit down to write, i am sat in this room, staring out of the window, basking in the sunshine (as much as i can during winter anyway).

i also wanted to make the background colour of the site the same colour as the walls in here (which i’ve just learned is called honeydew! how sweet!) but that colour didn’t quite suit the vibe. just know, the colour of this newsletter’s soul is honeydew.

this name feels more fitting for the type of writing i want to share with you. not much will change, i’ll still write our monthly little joys and little sorrows and the quiet list will continue with free zines shipped to paid subscribers, but other posts will sound more like this and this. more personal posts i’d rather the whole world didn’t see will be for paid subscribers also. overall, i want to take a more diaristic approach with my writing, the sort of thing i was writing when i first started up this newsletter. i think i got a bit swept up in the numbers of it all, writing posts that didn’t really feel like me, checking stats too often, slowly moving away from the writer i’d really like to be.

i’d still like this to be somewhere quiet, cosy and thoughtful you come to when everything else feels a bit much. i still want you to leave my corner of the internet feeling a little replenished and a little more at ease.

i hope you like the new name. if you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to let me know in the comments. and thank you for understanding, i know big changes like these can be a little jarring.

love,

candice☀️​

there’s a break in the clouds. i look out of my window and just above the horizon, there is a strip of colourless light peeking through the thick clump of bluey grey clouds. the sky looks like it’s opening up like an ancient storybook or a coveted treasure chest, nothing but an almost blinding light that’s about to fill my entire scope of vision. it’s still winter, but this morning, something felt a little lighter in the air. the sky is starting to wake up a little earlier and there’s proof of it, not just outside my window, but dotted all around my house.

the kettle is boiling beside me. when i came downstairs this morning, the hallway had a blueish hue, the sort of blue you would only see at this time of year—murky, a little melancholy, but like all of nature, a little breathtaking. it’s bright enough that i don’t struggle to find my slippers at the bottom of the stairs. the first sign of sunshine has also found itself lying on top of our dining table. the tiles at the bottom of my feet have changed colour a bit. the tulips look a little dull in this light, but i am just happy to see them without switching on a light first.

i know we still have a way to go, spring equinox is nestled right at the end of the month for eager daffodils, but i can feel it now, it’s starting to get lighter a little earlier. before, i used to watch the morning sky, stretching in all directions like a body waking from deep slumber, and try to predict whether i could hang laundry outside or not. i enjoyed reading the sky’s fortune, looking for signs of a cloudless day. but now i can occupy myself with watching how the sky just knows. watching the cycle begin again once more. glancing at my clock each morning and finding light at an earlier time each day. my feet are still cold but slowly, my heart is warming up.

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i shake my oat milk furiously. every morning i am irrationally worried this will wake my partner, fast asleep upstairs, but the carton is about half empty now, so these are perfect conditions for a frothy tea. i watch the thick liquid pour into my favourite mug, the colour of my tea goes from the colour of damp soil to a light beige and with lots of bubbles on top. i feel like minjun from the book welcome to the hyunam-dong bookshop, trying his best to make the perfect cup of coffee, persevering through life’s unpredictable nature to create some sense of consistency in his life. no mater what happens today, i always have this morning ritual to ground me. there isn’t much art to creating a good cup of tea as opposed to a cup of coffee, but i enjoy the practise anyway. i swirl the mixture together, not too rigorously, only three to four cycles. in my experimentation, i’ve found this makes the tea a little thicker. i return to my blue staircase to have my first sip upstairs in the sun room.

the curtains are still drawn a little so i eagerly let the blue cosy up with our sage green painted walls in here as well. my monstera and i have our first sip of sustenance together.

since the big move from london, i have neglected this plant a little and there are some yellow and browning leaves. my heart breaks when i look at it. i’ve had this plant for a few years now and all it has done is thrive. a couple of weeks in a shadowy corner of our home while we sort through boxes and furniture and suitcases and more boxes has left it depressed, it seems. but it never fails to surprise me how similar we are. we too get a little depressed when we haven’t been nurtured, haven’t seen our friends in a while, haven’t been hugged, taken care of, loved.

i’ve since moved the plant into this room, the side of the house with the most light, and i’ve given it a hefty drink of water. surprisingly, the other day, i noticed a new leaf sprouting against one of its stems. it’s still going strong despite its yellow highlights. before i saw this leaf, i googled yellowing leaves like a hypochondriac. apparently the plant uses nutrients from its dying leaves to let new ones grow. i was pessimistic at the time, thinking it was all over, wishing somehow i could make them green again. it seems all i need to do is trust the process.

i take a few more sips of my cup of tea and get a cramp in my hand from holding my pen too tight as i journal. after a while, i lift up my head and i see the blue around the room has disappeared and has been replaced with a whiter light. the break in the clouds has gone and the sky is officially awake. i can turn off my lamp now. i stare at the soft brush strokes of sun in between the patches of dense and sparse clouds for a moment. today’s sky fortune looks like the kind where clouds peel off the sky a little to reveal the plain blue canvas underneath. i think i’ll do a load of laundry today.

hello quiet readers, something a little different today, but i really enjoyed writing this. i like taking small moments like these and writing about them, i hope you enjoy reading them too. spring is definitely on it’s way and as exciting as it is, i’m still being careful not to rush through the seasons. how are you feeling about the sky getting a little brighter each day? are you excited for spring or are you still gripping onto these last few weeks of cosy season? let me know.

thank you for reading this week’s post and supporting finding quiet. i hope you’re all enjoying last week’s winter edition of the quiet list and to those of you who bought one, your handmade zines! if you’d like one too, it’s not too late to get yours here or become a paid subscriber to get yours for free every season <3

okay, that’s all from me, i’ll see you next week <3

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welcome to another instalment of the quiet list, a library of lists to help you pause and think, winter edition.

is the darkness getting to you a little too much? does the weight of those moody grey clouds feel like they’re pressing right on your shoulders? do you need something to bring you back to the present and help you find the beauty in winter again? i think this will help.

stroll through this library of lists slowly, preferably on a laptop or tablet, and get in a comfy seat (or bed) with a hot drink and a pen and paper (you’ll need it). these rooms invite you to give yourself some much-needed time to simply be present in the moment and help you get through this last leg of darkness. there’s a lot to get through so take your time, come back to some rooms later, go at your own pace.

in the library, you’ll find the bookshelves, the hobby table, the writing room, the chair by the window and the research room. but if you feel like staying home, you’ll find a comfort list, a sensory list, permission slips and postcards from my home to yours.

also, the quiet list will now have a new companion, a handmade zine! if you’d like one, click here. if you’re a paid subscriber, you’ll receive a separate email with a code to get yours 100% off. wait for it to arrive in the post, feel the pages turn in your hands, leave it on your desk (or altar) as a reminder to be a little kinder to yourself this season. i hope you like it.

the quiet list is a series for paid subscribers, but i’m leaving this issue free for a short period of time to allow you to see behind the curtain a little. consider upgrading your subscription to receive a free zine every season and more posts on how to find quiet all year round <3

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okay, let’s get into the lists.

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the bookshelves

what i’m reading, what’s on the tbr shelf, new words i’ve learned, notes from my commonplace book.

currently reading: the safekeep by yael van der wouden. this is a great book, one of the books i wish i owned instead of borrowing from the library. i am so intrigued by isabel’s character; i’m interested in the idea of reservation and in her extremely austere nature. i don’t want to spoil it but i am loving watching everything unravel. the prose is a breath of fresh air, but sometimes it is too fresh, like taking in a quick breath on an extra frosty day. there are a lot of sentences that get cut off, and this isn’t just reserved for dialogue. it can feel a little disjointed at times. i like the technique, but personally i feel like it’s a little overused. definitely looking like a 4+ star read however.

vicissitude: an unpleasant change in circumstances

diaphanous: allowing light to pass through, transparent

“loving someone, if you think about it, is dangerous. i mean, how well can we know anyone? how well can we know even ourselves?” – the third love by hiromi kawakami

pleonastic: using more words than necessary

also rereading: welcome to the hyunam-dong bookshop for an essay i’m working on on why we feel guilty about liking a simple life. minjun, the character i’m most interested in, asks himself one day, “can i really live like this?” after he experiences a few good days taking a break from work and just going to yoga classes, eating well and watching movies in the evening. i’m finding myself more passionate about the idea of work and my changing perspectives on it.

“hobbies give you chances to manage and know yourself. which is another way of saying that they give you freedom.” – do we need hobbies? by joshua rothman for the new yorker

on the tbr shelf: (lots of books i’ve started and need to finish, really) white teeth by zadie smith, little women by louisa may alcott, all about love by bell hooks, novelist as a vocation by haruki murakmai

best books to cosy up with this season: japanese translation about cats, including she and her cat by makoto shinkai and naruki nagakawa (one of my all-time faves), we’ll prescribe you a cat by syou ishida, the full moon coffee shop by mai mochizuki, the travelling cat chronicles by hiro arikawa. for more like this, click here.

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the hobby table

some things i’ve been doing to pass the time, some inspiration for you.

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for the first time in years, january hasn’t felt like it went on forever. last year, i remember discussing with my colleagues in the office that january felt like it was eight weeks long. but this year, i have been so wrapped up in writing (and finishing!) my first short story, writing and brainstorming this newsletter for you, jumping headfirst into my hobbies, that i have barely noticed the sky change. we still have a couple of days left, but next sunday, when i see you again, it will be february, and before we know it, we’ll be out of the darkness and feeling the hot embrace of the sun once more. i cannot wait.

i’m thinking about how strange it is that january felt so long last year, even though i had a full-time job that was increasingly becoming more stressful. when we’re busy, time seems to speed past us like a blue tit jumping from garden to garden, and yet, it dragged on. but this year, i have been kept probably even more busy, and the month didn’t feel as long. what a difference it makes, being busy on our own terms, filling our time with things that bring us joy instead of dread and misery. i’ve loved spending full days at my desk, writing and creating, in comparison to full days at a desk in my old job as a copywriter. i’m learning the same lesson over and over again: we must centre joy as much as we can.

anyway, let’s get into the lists.

little joys

• since my partner and i moved in october, we haven’t had a chance to enjoy our garden, but it snowed the other week, so much so that we were able to make a snowman. i’m sure our neighbours thought we were being silly or much too old for this but it’s one of my favourite moments from this month so idc

• the snow was also beautiful in itself, i loved watching chunky snowflakes fall from the sky

• all the books i’ve read so far this year have been from the library and i think that’s very nice

• sunrises have been lovely this month

• still feeling grateful for this new home of ours and how much i love our office (or sun room as we like to call it). i feel like a little hobbit in its sacred cave, busy writing stories and putting stickers on everything

• baking is starting to feel less intimidating and i made banana bread that turned out really well. up next: apple strudel!

• blue skies in january are a blessing, it’s cold, but the lack of grey is refreshing

• spent a morning at the library journaling, annotating welcome to the hyunam-dong bookshop (working on an essay about this) and drafting a newsletter. the sky was blue, the sun was out and i bagged a coveted window seat. that was a good day

• i’ve been keeping up with my daily trackers! unheard of for me. i use this diary to write a sentence or two about my day and track my mood and sleep in a graph and check off whether i wrote, worked out, read, etc. that day or not. it’s such a grounding practice and i’m proud of myself for keeping up with it every day

(if you’re enjoying this intimate post, things are getting more personal in the paid tier. consider upgrading your subscription for a look into exactly how i’m making room for joy and a little more quiet. enjoy the quiet notes from my journal series and the quiet list filled with lots of romanticised lists every season (winter instalment coming next week!) thank you for your support of finding quiet <3)

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little sorrows

• i started the year on the wrong book. sorry to say that the book of goose by yiyun lee did not land well with me. it just felt a little bland and i didn’t care much for the characters

• it’s been a solitary month, i haven’t really noticed this much but i should probably take a trip to london soon and remind my friends what i look like

• unfortunately the snowman only lived a short life before falling down to his demise about four minutes after creation (pictured below)

• is the new thing about job searching just not getting any replies at all? are we not even doing generic rejections anymore?

thank you for reading this week’s post! as i mentioned, next week will be the winter instalment of the quiet list, which paid subscribers get full access to. i’ve also been working on a little companion to go with it that i hope you’ll enjoy. let’s just say, if you’re looking to go more analogue this year, you might be a fan…

i’m taking things back to basics with it, experimenting with the magazine format for the last one was fun, but i think i actually prefer the newsletter format (and this fun little thing on the side). thank you for being patient with me on this, sometimes it takes a few tries to see what sticks!

i hope you have a restful sunday. do something nice for yourself today.

i’ll see you next week <3

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but something about walking into a dark room and an even darker sky first thing in the morning solidifies how much i dislike winter. one evening, i was simply sick of looking out the window and seeing nothing at all (although the lack of london’s light pollution is quite nice), and i tried closing the curtains for once and found that the room was a lot cosier—just me, the soft glow of my laptop and the lamp in the corner. maybe i should keep them closed until there is something to look at in the mornings too.

so as i write this, it’s nearly half past seven and the curtains are still closed. i’ve learned the sun’s language. i know she’s about to rise any minute now and the sky, if i’m lucky, will start to turn a blush pink like the colour of my new cashmere socks, my cd player, my tablet case, my favourite colour. this excites me. it makes me think about going for a walk as soon as the sky brightens a little more, so i can breathe in that crisp, fresh, wintery morning air and drink it up like pink lemonade. sometimes the sky remains dark and that means it’s going to be a cloudy morning, or more likely, a cloudy day. on these days, it’s important to keep busy.

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but then i remembered my extremely long tbr and my purse that does not stretch nearly as far as it would need to to afford all my bookish wishes. so a few years ago, i was finally convinced to add an ereader to my life, and i knew nothing other than a kindle, so i was gifted one for my birthday. if only i had given myself time to search a little longer—actually, if only i knew to search!

too often i feel as if we are caught up in the script. need a new phone? iphone or samsung. a new sofa? beige, black or something neutral. moving house and need new crockery? everything has to be plain white or an inoffensive colour like grey or cream. i recently bought a house with my partner, and we decided we would paint our second bedroom mint green and some version of red or maroon for our living room. his mother immediately disapproved (lovingly), saying we should go for a more neutral, timeless colour like white or cream. but why? isn’t that wildly boring? i don’t think many of us stop to think that actually, you don’t need a timeless colour on your walls or sofas just because that’s just “what you do”. you have free will! get a pink sofa for goodness sake. but back to ereaders.

if i hadn’t just settled for the first device that came to mind, i would have discovered boox and avoided all the problems that followed after buying my kindle.

although i loved reading on an ereader and how i could keep hundreds of books on one small, lightweight device, i was too distracted by the lost potential of the browser. it’s so slow. i’m not even sure why they bothered to include the function. i started to wish there was a similar device that let me read a bunch of books as well as my favourite substack writers, online publications and magazines via the libby app.

and thankfully, i discovered boox.

here are all the reasons i love my boox go 6, and why you should ditch the kindle (and amazon in general really).

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i can read whatever i want on an e-ink screen

the new yorker, 404 media, lit hub, the guardian, noema magazine—it’s all in one cosy, eye-strain-free place. i’ve created browser shortcuts on my homescreen to all my favourite magazines and apps, so it’s much easier to decide which publication i want to read and go from there. and of course, i have downloaded the kobo reading app to read all the ebooks i’ve purchased too.

i can browse the internet, not at a snail’s pace

this isn’t a tablet, it’s still an e-ink device, so the refresh rate of the screen is noticeable, but it’s also kind of nice (you can also adjust it in settings to make it faster). where’s the rush when you’re trying to settle in for a cosy reading session anyway? the slight delay in loading one screen to another is like a little practice in patience. we’re so used to getting everything we want at the speed of light on our mini computers in our pockets, we’ve forgotten that not everything needs to happen immediately.

it’s the ultimate distraction-free writing tool

it took me a while to figure this out, but this device is also compatible with bluetooth, meaning i could download the google docs app, connect my keyboard and have a distraction-free, e-ink writing experience! i was simply blown away when i first tried this, especially as it gave me an excuse to use my fun typewriter keyboard. admittedly, i don’t use it too much for writing. it’s hard to balance the ereader on something if i want to write somewhere that isn’t my desk (hello currently from the daybed in our office) and the ratio between my chunky keyboard and the dainty size of this device is a little jarring. i’m on the lookout for a more compatible keyboard.

it comes with the google play store

you can download absolutely anything you want on this device, and yes, for my organisational girlies, that includes notion. i absolutely love how i can copy a line from a book or article i’m reading and paste it directly into my notion databases without switching devices. i also settle in for some substack newsletter reading some mornings on this device instead of my phone or tablet, and it makes for a much calmer reading experience without a harshly lit screen. there are also lots of options to adjust the screen just how you’d like it.

it’s the perfect size

the boox go 6 is slightly smaller than the kindle, measuring at 6 inches (i think my kindle paperwhite was 7 inches), so i can easily slot it into my little cross-body bags and pull it out on the train when travelling. i don’t have to worry about packed commutes to work on london tubes anymore since i no longer live there (yay), but i do remember the struggle of trying to read a paperback with someone’s actual back digging into the spine of my book while i was just desperately trying to escape into another world instead of living in the reality where i was cosplaying a sardine.

so there are all my main reasons why i love my boox ereader. now i’m just waiting for the boox palma to support sim cards that allow you to make cellular calls and texts or for the clicks communicator to be just a little cuter (that keyboard isn’t quite doing it for me just yet, sorry), or for me to find £300 on the ground so i can get this adorable thing and all my cool tech dreams will have officially come true.

hello quiet readers, i hope you’ve all been having a wonderful week. does anyone else feel like january is already dragging… i’m trying to keep busy with the newsletter, my youtube channel (i’m uploading today!) and drafting my short story collection to make this dreadful month go by quicker.

anyway, tell me about your ereaders! do you have a kindle and have you been swayed? do you already have a boox device and how much do you love it? or are you a physical book girlie through and through?

thank you for reading this week’s post. here is last week’s on 6 changes i’m making to make 2026 count and here is my youtube channel in case you were in the mood for something cosy to accompany your sunday.

see you next week <3

finding quiet is a reader-supported newsletter. consider upgrading your subscription to get access to subscriber-only posts, the quiet list and the quiet notes from my journal series! you can also buy me a coffee oat milk tea here to support the newsletter if that’s easier. thank you so much <3

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here are some notes from my journal as i try to figure out how i’m going to try a little harder this year to be the person i want to be.

writing as nature

this is a big thing for me this year. i feel so incredibly lucky for the readership i have gained on substack, and in a way, it’s proof to me that i am not an absolutely terrible writer! people show up, they like my writing, they leave lovely comments, and some even support me financially. so, of course i can write the damn book!

i want writing fiction to be as second nature as writing pieces every week for substack is. i’ve just been so afraid of not being good enough. i keep thinking, if i begin writing fiction and it’s not good, then my entire sense of self will crumble. so i haven’t been trying. i’ve been doing everything but try. starting my own publishing press, running a magazine and publishing other people, even starting a substack where i specifically don’t write fiction—i’ve been teetering on the edge of the publishing industry for long enough.

i’ve been afraid that i’ve been walking around as a fraud, telling people my whole life that i’m going to write books, but what if i don’t? what if i can’t?

but i’ve finally tried to counter this. i started writing last month, a short story about a woman who needs stories to keep her alive and becomes invisible without writing them all down. and i’ve literally just realised, in real-time as i write this, how analogous that is to my relationship with writing. wow. it’s true, i don’t think i’ll feel whole without publishing a book. well then. i guess i’m in the middle of writing magical realism with a touch of autofiction.

the window as television

instead of eating breakfast in front of a screen, i’m going to try and eat in front of the window instead. this is a habit i need to break. i may not use social media but my relationship with youtube is certainly something i can improve. i tend to put on a youtube video that is much longer than the time it takes to eat my breakfast and then finish eating and continue watching. then watch something else. and suddenly the morning is gone and i haven’t gone back to the task i was doing before breakfast.

the other morning however, i ate breakfast in front of the window. i watched magpies and seagulls and pigeons and maybe even a thrush. i saw one dart into the bushes. i saw maybe a pigeon race across the edges of my window and thought perhaps he was late for something. i chuckled at the thought. i hoped to see a robin but didn’t. maybe in tomorrow’s episode. i saw the clouds pass in the sky with purpose. i saw the wind batter the trees and thought about how cold it must be out there. i saw a train pass in the distance. i ate my food slower without even noticing and then i got straight back to my desk to continue writing.

the internet as a playground

the internet is not just five websites owned by people who actively want to destroy creativity, individuality and the literal neurons in my brain; it’s all the websites on neocities (including my own!).

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with the winter solstice and all the anticipation and cheer of christmas behind us, we’re officially in the depths of winter. this is the time when even if everything on the surface seems still, there is an abundance of new growth just around the corner, in the soil and in our hearts too.

but before we get too excited about what’s to come, it’s important to remember what has been. what have been your favourite moments this year? maybe some not-so-great moments? taking time to remember what we’ve overcome and achieved, big and small, will help guide us in the right direction for the new year. personally, i’ve been taking the past couple of years to rest and take things slow, but next year, i think i’m ready to take a few risks and put myself out there a bit more.

as you read through my last lists of the year, maybe have a think of your own little joys and sorrows for december and 2025. and if you like, jot some down in the comments to mark the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.

okay, let’s get into the lists.

don’t forget to claim your festive gift of 25% off a paid subscription by wednesday! gain lifetime access to personal, deeper subscriber-only posts on intentional living and where my mantra “go for it” will take me next year and the seasonal quiet list. thank you for helping me continue to write <3

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little joys

• for december…

• this was the month i truly fell in love with the library

• discovering this post by amy stewart about self-appointing yourself as an artist in residence. i love this idea so much, and i can’t wait to be annoying about it. i’m already prepared to be the artist in residence for spring and i’m thinking about starting the year being the artist in residence for my local library

• remembering nail stickers exist and that i don’t have to be an expert artist with the world’s steadiest hand to have pretty nails

• going to winter wonderland with my bestie and creating more core memories with her (and winning one of those humongous plushies!)

• turning london into somewhere i can just travel to for the day and not feel so far away from my friends now that i’ve moved to norfolk

• going down to the beach to see all the seals! it’s mating season so the beach was practically covered in seals and little babies, and we got so close to them in the sand dunes, it was incredible

• an old friend i hadn’t seen in actual years came to visit me and it was so wholesome. showing her around made me feel like norfolk was really home

• staying with my partner’s family for christmas and being the only one that the very anxious dog would want to sit next to and rest her head on my lap yes i’m still crying

• the incredibly thoughtful gifts my partner got me including an art piece at a gallery we went to together. he went back and got it for me the same day and i had no idea!

• also realising that i’m incredibly easy to buy gifts for which i’m taking as a high compliment

• and the rest of the year…

• buying a house has to be number one. we started our search back in 2024, so i had an idea that the big move might happen this year, but it was still so incredible to find the perfect house, quit our jobs and start a new life together in a new city

• and decorating said house of course. i love her so much

• my birthday this year was probably one of the best i’ve ever had

• having 1,000 readers as my goal for 2025 and ending the year on 11,000! that’s all thanks to you!! <33

• the fact that i had no set reading goal this year and decided to read on my own terms and still reading 25 books this year anyway (read about everything i read here)

• all the sunsets i saw

• had some absolutely glorious cups of tea this year

• buying myself a nintendo 2ds xl and all the joy in my life that has followed

• showing up on substack every week for two years straight. probably one of my biggest accomplishments

little sorrows

• being stranded on a freezing cold platform in london and waiting four hours for a train back to norfolk and getting home at 3am. i don’t want to see london for a while :)

• experiencing the most unwelcoming and uncomfortable work environment ever

• seeing the effects a horrible job can have on a relationship

• all the times i cried because of my london corporate job

• i’ve technically quit two jobs this year, but i don’t regret anything

• between moving, starting a new job, decorating, travelling, i have absolutely forgotten that my houseplants existed and they are suffering

• feeling friendships drift away, not really knowing where you stand

things i’m looking forward to in 2026

• remembering i have free will and seeing how far this mindset takes me. my mantra for the year is “go for it” and i’m equally excited and terrified about where i’ll end up

• i’m not too into astrology but apparently it’s a big year for leos, and it’s my saturn return… should i be worried?

• more viewing on my desktop and more blogging!

• more library visits and all the books i’m going to borrow

• leaning into self-study, exploring consciousness and psychology in particular (and using the library for research)

• continuing to avoid polyester and make meaningful purchases

• watching more informative rather than pure entertainment-focused youtube videos

• more posting on my youtube channel (really want to take it seriously next year)

thank you for reading this week’s post. don’t forget to jot down your own little joys and little sorrows for 2025 in the comments if you feel comfortable. i always love to read about them.

i hope you’ve all had a wonderful holiday period and i’m wishing you nothing but the best in 2026. i’ll see you next year! <3

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i’m just popping in to wish you all a lovely, peaceful holiday season. i hope you get the opportunity to do something nice for yourself over the next week or so as we close out another year (are they going by quicker or is it just me?)

thank you all so much for being here and supporting this newsletter. we started the year with about 600 readers and now there are over 11,000 of you. you are all making my writing dreams come true, and i couldn’t be more grateful.

don’t forget to get your 25% off discount on paid subscriptions if you’re able! your support truly helps me to keep writing and pay a bill or two (wild!)

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i’ll see you on sunday for our last little joys and little sorrows reflection of the year <3

love,

candice

christmas is right around the corner and although i’m not feeling the most christmassy, i still want to share some holiday cheer with you. so i’m giving you 25% off paid subscriptions until the end of the year, so you can read this post in full and gain access to subscriber-only posts, including the seasonal quiet list! you can also buy me a festive coffee oat milk tea here if that’s easier for you.

this is also my way of saying thank you to all of you who read this newsletter. we’ve grown so much this year, i appreciate you all <3

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this post contains affiliate links, which means i may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through them at no extra cost to you. thank you for supporting local bookshops and finding quiet!

okay, let’s get into the lists.

winter

the city and its uncertain walls by haruki murakami

i deliberately started the year with my favourite author. i heard his new book was due to be released the previous november and marked it on my calendar like i do for friends’ birthdays. when the 19th came around, i left my work laptop on at home and ran in the rain to the nearest bookshop.

i wasn’t completely blown away by part one but it wasn’t long before i was pulled down deep into the ocean of magical realism and mystifying worlds that murakami is an expert at creating. soon enough, i was breathing underwater and the tale of a man searching for his lost love’s true self, who is stuck inside a walled-off world had completely drawn me in. there’s an image that’s still stuck in my head to this day nearly a year later, of the two of them walking through fields of tall dewy grass: “wet blades of grass were pasted to your wet calves, wonderful green punctuation marks.” this book was beautifully rich. i will definintely read it again someday.

we’ll prescribe you a cat by syou ishida

then, because i wasn’t quite ready to let go of japanese translation just yet, i picked this book up. reading this was like throwing a blanket over your shoulders and warming your hands with a hot cup of tea, something i was doing countlessly at this time of year. i can’t remember now, but i think this book made me cry. if i was in my luteal phase at the time of reading, i definitely cried. how could you not when you’re reading about cats in little prescription bags, teaching characters how to ease their worries about life?

this book reminded me that humans have a gift (or a curse) to see what they want to see in any situation. the cats in this book aren’t magical in any way, they don’t talk and they are not anthropomorphised. they are just cats. and yet, each character walks away with their life changed for the better. it’s just like when we read a book or watch a film and we see hidden messages as if they were placed there just for us to see at just the right moment. a wonderfully cosy read.

white nights by fydor dostoyevsky

snow was falling outside while i pried open the small pages of this classic book and looked on the prose with fear. i am not much of a classics person. like a lot of people, it wasn’t taught to me correctly at school, and i have developed an aversion to it. but while reading this, i was also reading the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde and surprisingly had enough thoughts that i felt the need to annotate as i read. so i thought perhaps i could take a little peek at white nights too. and i’m so glad i did. this is a very layered story about loneliness, desperation and the choices we make because of them. i really enjoyed this one.

spring

the garden party by b.p. walter

i was in the mood for something twisty and fast-paced and i got exactly what i was looking for, and a little more that i wasn’t expecting at all. this story is about a family full of terrible secrets and one character’s mission to expose and get revenge on them all. my heart winced, my jaw fell open more than once and my stomach flipped at least twice. i had a great time. i also met the author at a signing, and he was very kind! he definitely does not look like the type to write a book with the sort of themes that come up in this, which made the story all the more wild if i’m honest.

in the miso soup by ryu murakami

one wild ride after another it seems. this was a very eerie story about a tour guide, kenji, showing an american tourist the sights of japan’s nightlife. but kenji suspects this man is a serial killer and works to keep his suspicions at bay until all hell breaks loose and this becomes one of the creepiest stories you’ll ever read. i read the majority of this while on an escape from our city life to norfolk with my partner because real life was starting to get a bit too much. the juxtaposition of the tranquil countryside views outside of my window and having a mind full of graphic depictions of murder scenes made that trip a little more surreal in memory. perfect for spooky season, not so much during spring. still a great read.

the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde

admittedly, this took me a very long time to finish (it’s a running joke on my youtube channel) but i’m really glad i stuck with it. this is a densely rich novel about a beautiful dorian who wishes his portrait would age instead of him and quickly realises the consequences of said wishes. as i said above, i annotated this while reading and found i had so many thoughts to write down in the margins of this novel. this will definitely need a second and maybe even third read from me, as i feel there is still so much that i missed. this was my first proper read of a classic, and it has certainly given me the confidence to pursue more.

summer

the new neighbours by claire douglas

i honestly don’t have that much memory of this book. again, when i’m in the mood for a quick read, i’ll pick up a thriller and they usually get the job done. this one is about a woman who is almost certain her new neighbours are planning some sort of devious crime and she just can’t mind her own business and obviously ends up right in the middle of everything, endangering herself and her family. claire has written better books i think.

the days of abandonment by elena ferrante

this was a very interesting and insightful book to read. so raw and unafraid of peeling back the layers to reveal something quite ugly underneath. this is the story of a woman who has been abandoned by her husband for another woman and is forced to confront ugly thoughts, including some about her own children, the harsh new reality she lives in and how she will get through to the other side. i did stop reading this for a while with only 50 pages left, as i was finding it a little hard to get through. i also found the ending to be a little underwhelming for reasons i won’t spoil, but looking back, that may have been an intentional decision that said more about the protagonist. my first elena ferrante too, i’m not running for her other books, but my interest in her has been piqued.

blue sisters by coco mellors

everything i love about literary fiction.

under the paywall: thoughts on blue sisters; miranda july scarring me for life; the best book i read this year and maybe ever; dragging some more thriller books and the book that inspired me to start a short story of my own and take my fiction writing seriously.

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i had always heard that getting older comes with the magic of finally becoming comfortable with who you are and no longer caring so much about what other people think. i say magic because i am someone who has struggled with anxiety for most of her life and the thought of leaving the house without triple-guessing an outfit sounded like some ridiculous joke.

but shockingly, it’s starting to make sense.

i’ve always felt guilty about my lack of interest in clubbing and drinking and going outside in general. throughout my teens and most of my 20s, i’ve been battling with the idea that i might be quite boring.

i have no problem with spending days maybe even a week straight at home. there’s always something i can be doing whether it’s reading, writing, playing a cosy game, painting, redoing my notion setup, working on a project or crocheting—i can easily transport myself into my own world and have hours of fun on my own. but when people ask me what i’ve been up to lately, i suddenly feel this wave of shame. i don’t have any exciting stories to share or anything that interesting to report despite how content i am with my life at the moment.

i remember awkward conversations with friends who would go on and on about their crazy weekends or wild expeditions with boyfriends and love interests, and after a long monologue they’d say, “oh gosh, i’ve been going on for ages! what have you been up to?” and every organ and thought and nerve within me would wither and die of embarrassment because i (seemingly) have nothing to say. my life always felt so empty and uninteresting.

when you’re younger, you want to fit in. you want to like what everyone else likes, brag about all the friendships you have and all the crazy things you’re doing because you’re in your 20s. your 20s are for making mistakes and going wild and then you have the rest of your life to be “boring”. but being “boring” in your 20s? that is simply not an option.

it’s almost as if we’re too dumb to know ourselves well enough in our 20s. all 20-somethings love to go out and have a good time and kiss strangers. and if you don’t, you just haven’t tried it yet or you just need to get yourself out there and then you’ll love it. the only time you’re allowed to be introspective and decide to go down the quieter, homebody path is when you hit 30 it seems.

i knew out of the womb i wasn’t a party girl. i just wish it didn’t take me so long to be okay with that.

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i wish i didn’t have to wait until i was a little older to feel comfortable with the fact that i am not the friend you go out drinking all night with. i’m not the friend you try new food places with or go out to dinner with. i’m not the friend you talk to about your one-night stands in a relatable manner. i’m not the friend you can ask if i’ve seen that thing on tiktok. i’m not the friend you meet up with in the evening (regularly). i’m not the friend you go to the pub with (unless maybe it’s got a cute garden or something at a push). i’m not the friend with wild stories of waking up in random places or getting so drunk i did xyz.

i’m the friend you visit at her house and drink hot chocolates with from her fancy velvetiser. i’m the friend you can come to for advice about relationships. i’m the friend who always listens and will be honest if you ask me to. i’m the friend you walk around the city with and wander into charity shops and bookshops with. i’m the friend you picnic with regularly in the summer. i’m the friend you come to for book recommendations. i’m the relaxed friend you don’t have to try hard around. i’m the friend who still likes to loiter in shopping centres like we did when we were teenagers. i’m the daytime friend you see with no makeup on. i’m the friend you see when you want to wind down. i’m the friend you come to when you want someone to really listen.

some days i still feel like i should be different somehow, that i should embody that extroverted, bubbly 20-something girl who never says no instead of staying in most days to read or crochet or write essays. (will this feeling ever go away?)

as much as the lives of the women in sex and the city look sort of fun, that is just not me. the idea of running around london at night in heels and ordering cosmopolitans at the bar with your girlfriends sounds nice in theory, but in reality, i’d probably be thinking about my bed the whole time. or how uncomfortable these shoes are. or how cold it is, how loud the music is, how not drunk i am and don’t wish to be. how much pretending i have to be doing and how exhausted i’d feel for the next two to three business days because i am 70% water and 100% introvert.

it feels more valid to say i don’t want to get wasted at 28, to say i’m off to bed at 9 pm at 32, to unironically use the phrase i’m too old for that. it feels like the older i get the less expectation there is to agree with everyone. people start to form their own opinions about things, they start to feel more confident in themselves, how they want to spend their time. we’re more aware of our mortality. our health become something we need to pay a little more attention to. things like time don’t seem so frivolous anymore.

so i’m not wasting any more time feeling bad that i might be perceived as boring. i’m 28 now, i’m too old for that.

hello quiet readers, i hope you’re all doing well. i wrote this a little over a year ago, and i’m resharing it as a reminder for both you and myself. have i been keeping to my word? for the most part, i think so! but i’ve also come to realise that when you surround yourself with the right people, this sort of thing, being unapologetically you, becomes much easier. perhaps that’s something to keep in mind.

as it’s december, i’ve been taking things a little slower, and i hope you have been too. but to wrap up the end of the year, i’ll be sharing some reflections on 2025, both bookish and personal. i hope you enjoy.

in case you missed it, here is my last post on what a quiet life means to me and here is my lastest youtube video, a cosy autumn bullet journal spread.

and if you’re able, you can buy me a festive coffee oat milk tea here.

thank you for being here. i’ll see you next sunday <3

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a quiet life means being okay with yourself, knowing yourself enough to know what you need when the only colour you’ve seen in the sky is grey for what feels like entire seasons, when it’s sunny and you’re giddy with excitement and when you feel neither here nor there, a little bored, a little tired, but you know you will see the other side.

a quiet life is a confident life. one where you know how to tend your garden to make all the right flowers bloom at the right time.

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thank you so much again. okay, let’s get into the lists

the swift beauty of autumn has come and gone and the biting chill of november has now settled into my bones. i watch the very last leaves on almost bare twigs dangle in the wind. they remind me of myself when i, too, am afraid of change.

cups of tea have become abundant in this house. wherever you look, there is a mug sitting idle somewhere. if it’s mine, there is always a sad puddle of cold tea left inside; if it’s my partner’s, it’s drained down to the last drop.

although i can no longer feel the sun’s warm touch, i can still see it in the sky when i sit in our newly named green room. so much change has happened this month, which makes me feel so aligned with the seasons changing outside. i am also just a small leaf just removed from one scene and is now drifting in the wind in search of its next resting location.

little joys

• my partner and i have been very busy making the house we recently bought a home, and it makes me so happy to see it slowly come together. i’m currently writing to you in our newly painted mint green second bedroom (the green room). the light looks gorgeous in here.

• this room also has a perfect view of the moon. spent most of the afternoon with it in my peripheral on friday. tranquil to say the least.

• coming back to youtube and making cosy vlogs again. i really missed that.

• seeing lorde live. i danced. i cried. i jumped in time with the pulsing music and everyone else around me. ella was inches away from me as she sang one of the most hauntingly beautiful songs she’s ever written. i heard buzzcut season live, my all-time favourite song, and i think i levitated for a moment.

• still appreciating the joys of having a garden and hanging our washing on the line, keeping an eye on the sky like a pie in the oven, waiting for just the perfect moment to take it out before it burns, running out into the garden and pulling all the clothes off the line before a huge rainfall. working on one of my special skills being reading the clouds.

• borrowing books from the library, seeing the noticeable boost in my reading habits because of it.

• my new job was absolutely horrid, but i made a new friend from it and we both clicked with each other almost instantly. all the tears and sleepless nights were worth it if it meant finding someone so lovely in a brand new town i was nervous to move to.

• it’s so quiet here. all i can hear is a passing train every so often.

• finally finding a method to help me stick with writing (and hopefully finishing) a piece of short fiction

• finding my love for film again this month. i watched decision to leave (2022) the other day and loved the running mountains and water metaphor, the thoughtful transitions, the exploration into obsession and love. definitely something you need to watch a couple times and i love art like that. (which reminds me, it’s almost time for my annual reread of the secret history) and also just listening to the korean language to be honest, i’ve always loved the way it sounds

• it’s nearly time to put up the christmas tree! and decorate our new home for the holidays for the first time. i’m so excited.

• and of course, i'm looking forward to christmas in general. i love how twinkly everything is, the joy in the air, christmas markets. it’s also the one time of year i really, really love and care about food.

little sorrows

• back on the job application grind and hating every second, naturally

• witnessing the discourse on how much people hate “content” on reducing screentime/social media bad and “pretentiously talking about hobbies” and feeling like this. i can’t help that this is a special interest of mine and i like talking about it and people like reading about it. sorry.

• there’s something sorrowful about watching one of the last autumn leaves hang on for dear life on a tree

• some days i feel like i’m allergic to everything and it’s exhausting. if it’s not struggling to sit in a cafe (may contain nuts in oat milk???), it’s the dust in the house, soon it will be the pollen, can i eat eggs again yet? i think i can feel when i eat too much wheat—i’m tired.

• our garden looks very, very sad in comparison to the neighbours. very much hoping they’re not judging us for all the moss and weeds.

as always, feel free to leave your own little joys and little sorrows in the comments below as your own reflection for the month. i always love to hear them.

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thank you for reading, i’ll see you next week <3