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ageism on the internet / creating art for you / rest is good — journal 150723

I've been seeing a lot of threads lately about the different types of content we consume, and why we shouldn't be afraid to make the art we want to see or the art we actually like instead of letting big accounts who post the same recycled memey stuff get all the attention. It got me thinking as I just created a new Instagram account and have been worried about starting to post stuff online intentionally to build a following (I guess? I mean, I like curating stuff about the things I like and yeah, a following would be nice but ultimately, it's fun you know?)

I've always been a little nervous when it came to creating stuff online (except for this blog). I know what I'd like to do and the person I want to be but then I'm afraid that it won't get much attention and I'd just end up looking silly. Who wants to write long captions about a book they really love or try to drive engagement by asking questions to an audience of 0 and have no one reply. It's just too humiliating for me personally. But it would be nice to have my own little space on the internet with people who like the same things as me and I can make stuff for them to enjoy.

I want this new Instagram account to be purely about the things I like and to let people know I have a new blog post or video out, particularly without feeling the eyes of people I know irl. I wish the line between the person you are in the real world and the person you are online was a lot thicker. I still feel like there's someone who I know personally out there lurking which stops me from making stuff online and makes me apprehensive about being myself. And it's really annoying. But I guess that's a hurdle we all must jump if we want to start putting stuff up online.

I also really enjoyed a YouTube video by Tiffany Ferg this week where she discusses ageism on the internet. As I'm turning 26 in less than two weeks, I felt this one. I have also fallen into the trap of feeling "too old" to post vlogs or talk about fashion and do all the Emma Chamerblain when she first started stuff for the fear that my window has passed. I simultaneously know it sounds silly but still, completely believe it. I even saw a comment mentioned in the video about how once "influencers" or content creators turn 25, suddenly their age disappears from their bio—and I was genuinely thinking about how I shouldn't mention my age because people might think I'm too old to be prancing about in tote bags and culottes. It's crazy.

Writing this actually reminded me that I want to start following creators who are my age and older instead of watching younger creators with a tinge of "Am I too old for this?". Jotting this down in my to-do list.

This week I've also finally managed to finish designing issue 5 of my magazine, jaden! it has taken a lot of 5 am starts and intense work but I did it, and all on my own too. I can't wait to get it to the printers and then relax for about two weeks straight before I even think of starting a new project. I really, really love how this one turned out. Feeling really excited about having the finished product in my hands.

I'm already planning for this next week to really be about rest. (Hopefully, I don't have too much to do at work!) Resting after you've finished something huge, that took a lot of mental strength and self-discipline feels soooo good. So much better than just resting for the sake of it and not because you really needed to. Remembering this helps me to push myself to do the things I don't want to do or the things that require a lot of work. I just think about how good it will feel to put my feet up afterward!

I guess that's something you can take away from this post. Rest is good and it's especially good after completing a really big thing. So do the thing and enjoy rest guilt-free.

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