Oops, it’s been a while.
I’ve been busy moving and reading and thinking about writing for this blog and never actually doing it. I always miss it when I start up again. The same goes for writing in general, I always think Oh I should write right now but the effort becomes overwhelming and most times I don’t. But on the times that I do, when I start typing again I immediately fall into motion. It’s like riding a bike after several years. I just always forget the feeling.
I was in Manchester for the past two weeks, still finalising my move back to London(ish) which has been going on for the past four months. History’s longest move? Possibly. I’m so glad to be back though. The last of our furniture is finally here in this flat and it’s starting to feel like a home.
I tried to write whilst I was up in Manchester and the whole thing started off terribly depressing. Feelings of loneliness and despair creeping up… probably best I didn’t post that, but I also don’t want to ignore those feelings. I think there is something about Manchester that just never agreed with me. It’s like I kept eating cheese and never put two and two together that I may be lactose intolerant. (I’m not actually lactose intolerant thankfully, one of the few adverse reactions I don’t have to experience). I always felt unhappy up there, like I was incapable of doing anything. Now that I’ve moved back to the city where I grew up (ish), I’ve developed an exercise routine and finally managed to stop eating so much crap.
And guess what happened when I stayed up north for two weeks? I exercised once.
There’s just something in the air up there.
London draws me in like a magnet. I’ve tried the secluded countryside lifestyle a couple of times but there is something about entering this polluted-ass city that does it for me. Although the scenic country views and walks in the fields are wonderful and I do love the cottagecore vibes a lot, I’m drawn in by the city. The noise, the people, the underground, the red buses—it’s iconic. How could I ever be comfortable anywhere else?
I’ll absolutely never be able to do this in this economy but having a house in the country to escape to once in a while but mainly living in the city would be the dream.
I was just drafting a post about how I get bored of things quickly and want to move on to the next. (I quickly realised this was something for my physical journal and not here as it was more of a ramble). But if there’s one thing (two counting my boyfriend) I couldn’t possibly get bored of, it’s London. City living. Being in the middle of everything.
At this point, I’m practically yearning for a high-rise apartment in Zone 2. Mostly because I keep finding spiders in my flat despite the fact I live on the third floor. (Those fuckers really need to learn where they are not wanted). But looking out to the city at night, all the lights from other people’s lamps and streetlights and cars driving people home on frosty evenings after work, I think it’s a dream for me.
And when I opened up a copy of All the Lovers in the Night by Mieko Kawakami in Waterstones during my time in Manchester, and I read her describe how beautiful the night is because of all the individual lights, it solidified my love for the city.
I really need to buy that book.
With writing and this blog in particular, I think I want to focus on it being a source of joy for me, which means not sticking to a schedule but just writing when I find the time and when I feel like it. I think it’s so important to protect the things that bring us joy at all costs.
Maybe I've started and stopped so many things over the years because I didn't protect it enough. I didn't handle it with care. But this blog is precious to me, I've had it for like a decade, and I want to keep it for as long as possible.
Have you got something like that? If you do, don't let it become another piece of "content" or make it something you have to do. Make sure to keep it for yourself <3
By the way, I've revived my YouTube channel and just posted a new video all about the books I bought in Manchester as well as a little catch-up since it's been a while since I posted. You can watch and subscribe to my channel here!