briefly stepping out of my comfort zone to change the world

your personal brand isn't going to change the world but your conversations with strangers might

When was the last time you spoke to a stranger? And not just to ask them for directions or tell them their bag is open.

Thoughts of talking to strangers never used to occur to me. I’ve always been the quiet, reserved type, determined to figure things out on my own and only ask others for help as an absolute last resort. I once spent much too long in a supermarket looking for a certain type of seasoning before giving in and asking an assistant. I could have saved myself so much time if I hadn’t been carrying this fear of strangers with me for much too long.

This fear should have subsided somewhere around my time at 6th form. I was no longer a young child and wise enough to know when a stranger was emitting genuine stranger danger vibes. My days being on the netball team weren’t too far behind me at that point so I was also fit enough to sprint away just in case. But now, as a woman in my 20s, strangers shouldn’t be something to be afraid of anymore. In fact, they are opportunities to widen my perspective of the world.

Strangers aren’t just there to help you find the ketchup or tell you you’ve got something stuck in your teeth; they have ambitions, struggles, difficult mothers, achievements, regrets and so much more. What happens when we peek behind the curtain of pleasantries and quick smiles and flick through the pages of an entire human life?

A couple of weeks ago, I was approached by two different strangers. One was a charity volunteer on the street asking for donations, so naturally, he was approaching any and everyone, but another was a security guard pacing around a grand, important-looking building.

I had already slipped past two volunteers after walking out of the supermarket to get a fork for my lunch before raising my head and being met with another pair across the street. I’d caught eye contact with one of them and was ready to tell him I couldn’t stop. He said no, I just want to tell you something real quick, I promise! He seemed sincere, so I stopped. This wasn’t the first time one of these people had said they just wanted to chat, and I ended up having a lovely time talking about the moon and how astrology probably isn’t real but it’s fun to imagine, that as long as you can string a sentence together you could probably find a job in copywriting somewhere and, silently, how we both wished we were doing something other than reluctantly participating the rat race of capitalism.

This present charity volunteer, however, said I just wanted to tell you that I’m glad my colleagues across the road didn’t stop you because we aren’t allowed to ask for donations from people under 25.

At some point, I told him I was, in fact, 27, and he said something along the lines of me looking like I had just graduated and that he liked my outfit and other things that made me think I should tell this man I have been with someone so long I am practically married.

But then we had a conversation about our backgrounds, my job as a copywriter, that no it doesn’t involve anything to do with copyright and no you’re not stupid for thinking that, that it’s just something to pay the bills, but really I want to write books. That he has this insecurity of appearing uneducated and that he genuinely enjoys being out in the cold trying to raise money for this charity he’s passionate about.

And even though we left on slightly awkward terms when I told him I wouldn’t be donating today, we both left with smiles on our faces. It was like I had left a little mark on the world that day.

And then I left another mark when I spoke to the security guard outside the fancy building who turns out, trained as a cadet about 20 minutes away from where I was getting my undergraduate and postgraduate degree. I had found the only bench that wasn’t damp from the slow falling sleet earlier that morning and began eating my chicken and pasta with trembling hands cloaked in the new mittens my boyfriend had got me for Christmas. You’re brave for eating out here in this weather! he said. And I told him that I hate eating in my office because it’s so silent I feel like everyone can hear me chewing. And that I also hate working and eating at my desk. He agreed and said a change of scenery is good, that he used to do the same when he had an office job.

For a moment, we both couldn’t tell if the other wanted to continue chatting. It was like trying to work out if a stove was hot. Terrible weather! turned to You work in this building? No just across the street. which eventually turned into a full blown discussion about DPD delivery driver scams, that he loves his job in security because of how flexible it is, that it’s rare I’m working in a job that is actually related to my degree, somewhat.

He told me how it’s hard to make friends nowadays and I don’t really have anyone I can call a best friend and I gave him a look of empathy and realised my people skills didn’t stretch too far and attempted to relate to him by saying I had cut off three friendships at once a couple of years ago because the string that was tying us together was fraying so much it had almost snapped but no one wanted to say anything about it. That it was awkward but necessary, and I haven’t made a new friend since which is untrue.

This inevitably turned the conversation into it’s them damn phones and soon after, we said our goodbyes, both smiling and not feeling the cold so much, warmed by good conversation, and I realised I had spent my entire lunch hour talking to strangers, someone who still trips up on her words on the phone sometimes.

There’s a saying that goes something like all it takes to change the world is to change one person’s mind. Having 10 or 20 minute face-to-face conversations with strangers can be your small but significant way of changing the world. There is a lot of attention on building community online nowadays which I think is perfectly nice, but there will always be something special about looking someone in the eye, hearing their tone of voice and sitting in those little awkward pauses with another person that will fill some space within us that a glass screen simply can’t do.

Sometimes we forget that the people who pass us on the street have complete lives we don’t know about and there is nothing really stopping us from asking them about it. I think it’s comforting to know that we all have the ability to change not only others’ worlds, but our own one little chat at a time.

I hope the security guard feels a little comforted now knowing that someone else struggles to make friends as an adult, and I hope the charity volunteer I spoke to a month ago looks up at the moon sometimes and remembers the moon sticker on the back of my phone. I’ve realised that I should really make an effort to find a charity that resonates with me and support them and to feel grateful that I work 9 hours a day in a warm office or at home rather than pacing in near sub-zero temperatures for 12.

I am still quiet and reserved and always will be, but like they say, it’s nice to get a bit of fresh air every now and then. I think I’ll try and do that more often, step out of my comfort zone every so often to peek behind a few curtains and find out why someone always likes to wear red nail polish because it reminds them of their fun aunt who lives in Paris or let a stranger change my perspective a little, give me another thing to think about when I look at the moon, alter my world a little.

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hello quiet readers, how have you been? i’ve been in a bit of a funk for the past few weeks but i think i’m starting to come out of it finally. i’ve started reading a nice japanese lit book about cats as medicine so that is helping greatly. these small conversations i had with strangers also made my day a little brighter among those few weeks of grey clouds, both literally and figuratively.

i still remember being about nine years old and a stranger stopping my mother to tell her how pretty i was, like that is a locked in core memory and every time i feel ugly, i think of that woman. tell me about your chats with strangers and things they’ve said that have stuck with you for a long time :’)

thank you so much for reading. i will see you next wednesday <3

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