carrying books in the sunshine

the joy of bookshops and carrying books home in paper pouches

The sun always climbs through my window this time of evening, around 7 pm. She’s found herself on my arms, highlighting every hair, soothing every goosebump from so very far away in the sky. 

I’m thinking about my day.

Waking up, sort of, around 6 am, reading essays while my head is still on the pillow. I still have time to go for a run before I get ready for the office today. 6:30, 6:45, 6:51… I’ve missed the boat.

I picked up my deep red nail polish from my dresser, the dresser that finally makes me feel like a woman. Skincare products, one with the little top that you squeeze to collect the oily substance to drop onto your palm, mascara, blush, a pot of makeup brushes, lipsticks, standing upright, of colours that sort of don’t suit me, a tiny dish to hold my rings, an eyelash curler I’ve been too afraid to use, scrunchies. 

I fill in the spaces that are no longer red on my nails. I only care if they look good from afar, not up close. I remember bonding about this with a friend on the train to a new city to watch a play. “Just don’t look at them up close,” we say.

There are next to no people in the office when I arrive. On one hand, I’m annoyed because why am I here, but on the other I feel like I can breathe a little easier. I take the opportunity to stretch my legs a little more, getting up from my desk, giving my eyes a break from corporate screens. I can’t see the sky from where I sit so I make the effort to go outside more than once and let my face feel the first of July’s sunshine. There’s a slight breeze in the air but I’m still glad I wore a t-shirt.

I like my outfit today. Blue culottes, white cropped t-shirt, white trainers, hair tied in a bun, minimal earrings, oversized tote bag. The office isn’t strict on its dress code. I used to think I wanted to dress up, block heels, blazers, smart blouse, but now I’m happy to arrive in comfort. I feel one step closer to my personal style. I make a mental note to create a Pinterest board when I get in.

I eat my lunch under a tree and it reminds me of those videos that were popular for a while of people asking trees to tap them with their branches if they could hear them, and they would. It was probably just the wind but I prefer to think we can communicate with every living thing we share this planet with, not just the ones that look like ourselves.

I should really stop doing this as it’s not good for my purse, but I walk down to the huge bookshop again. I buy a book again. I regret nothing again. I explore a new floor, there’s only one more left to go. It took me weeks to reach the second floor, perhaps it was my private way of delaying gratification. I never want to become bored of this bookshop, it has a sacred air about it, like most bookshops do, to be honest.

I found a section on nature writing and after wandering the aisles, admiring the hanging plants behind the till and the handwritten genre signs, sitting down at a desk to read a bit of the book I was cradling, I went downstairs to buy How to Read a Tree by Tristan Gooley. I asked the cashier specifically for the little paper pouches they do now. Something about them makes me extremely happy, like I’m a child walking home with a crumply bag of sweets I picked out myself. I never really did that as a child. There were a lot of things I never did as a child but I’m glad there are still ways I can reach those feelings now as an adult.

When I left the bookshop, it was like I had fallen into another world. It was so quiet in there, I almost forgot I was still at work. The sun was still out, gracing my bare forearms with warmth, new book in it’s paper pouch by my side. I didn’t put it in my bag even though there was plenty of space for it, I like the feeling of having in my grasp, catching some of the sunshine with me before resting on my bookshelf later at home. 

I get back to the office without a sky view and finish up my day.

I meet C on the train platform, completing our circle from this morning as we commuted together. We walk home together. Soon, we will eat dinner together, next week we will do this again. 

There is peace in this repetition. 

reading on some grass some time ago

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If anyone knows a name for this sort of writing I like doing, I’d love for you to tell me :)

This was just a little entry after reflecting on my day in the office a week or so back. I hope you liked reading!

Hope you’re having a lovely weekend, see you Tuesday <3

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