for the love of god, put yourself first

if you don't, who will? (certainly not your job)

i made the hour-long commute to my office for the last time yesterday because about three weeks ago, i did something i thought i would never do, i quit my corporate job to go back to working in retail.

not to give aergia competition, but i’ve never been a fan of the idea of work, the nine to five in a soulless office, spending the majority of my day, of my life even, doing something i don’t really care about just to pay my bills and maybe have a enough left over to see a movie on the weekend, the monotonous routine of doing the same thing every day no matter how much the company will try to convince you the job is otherwise, faking smiles, masking all day, gauging what is socially acceptable, finding the balance between friendly and oversharing and feeling exhausted before reaching home over an hour later.

in fact, i remember saying as a kid that when i grew up, apart from being an actress and a writer (one down, one to go?), that i wanted to work in a shop. the cash register fascinated me. i still remember the flash of jovial disappointment in my parents’ eyes as soon as the words left my mouth.

but all was not lost, i sat all my required exams, i went to university, i even stayed for an extra year to grab another degree because i thought that it would make me stand out when it came to growing up and becoming a real adult in the real working world. fast forward a couple years, after a severe eczema flare-up, covid, significant weight gain and a healthy dose of depression, everyone i sat next to in my big girl office job had a master’s degree.

but, again, all was not lost! i got the job afterall, i liked working as a copywriter, it wasn’t stressful, i had plenty of time (if not too much time, hello substack origin story) to complete tasks and the people i worked with were really friendly. but i have recently come to find out that this, in fact, was all a facade. this was just the doing of having a very, very good manager who was compassionate for their team, was just the right amount of intimidating and knew how to say no to the higher-ups. they were the safety blanket i didn’t even know i was holding onto that entire time.

and when they left, suddenly all really was lost.

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