this is what happens when you centre your calling

what a year on substack has taught me about myself

Nov 27, 2024

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This week marks one year of me writing this Substack newsletter. But it also marks one year of me practising my calling for an entire year, of me showing myself that I do, in fact, have self-discipline and that I can keep promises to myself. It marks one year of loving myself, of showing myself grace at some points and tough love at others. It marks one year of commitment and self-respect.

I have been posting letters to you for 45 weeks straight, a milestone that would have simply sounded laughable a year ago. Me? Commit to something on a weekly basis for nearly a year straight? With my anxiety levels and stomach aches and depression and next to no self-discipline?

Yes. Me.

I had been looking for a platform just like Substack since I was around 16 years old, using Blogspot to write about my day and whatever I had learned in my philosophy and ethics A-Level classes. I searched every nook and cranny of the internet looking for some sort of database where all the bloggers I wanted to read were in once place and I could keep up with all of them. I loved writing, blogging, sharing stories in a unique, personable way, I still do. So when I finally realised that Substack wasn’t just a mailchimp equivalent and that it was an entire community of writers on an app and website, I jumped in with both feet and had no idea what was to come.

As well as helping me discover writers that I love, Substack showed me a lot about myself too. Keeping to a regular writing schedule has taught me the act of self-discipline and that I can rely on myself. It’s taught me that perfectionism is a waste of time and that you’re never going to love everything you produce but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything at all. It’s taught me that my writing matters and has the power to shift someone’s life in a different direction, that feelings I have don’t start and end in my body but exists in others’ too.

It’s taught me the power of structure and planning. I have to credit getting a full-time job along with this, something I want to talk about in a future post, but having a regular writing practice helped me to give order to my life. Pretty much everything is centred around getting a letter out to you every Wednesday at 12 pm without fail. I feel like a writer. I have deadlines I cannot miss, regardless if it’s only me who set them and I only have 32 subscribers! Those 32 people (now nearly 600!) are waiting for me!

Sitting down to write an essay because I have a deadline to meet is the definition of living out my purpose, to me. This is what I’ve wanted my entire life. And I’m grateful that I didn’t have to convince some old white man to allow me to do so.

Writing for Substack has also shown me that I am in control of how I interact with online platforms as a whole. I loved that I could send out my newsletters and didn’t need to self-promote on social media in order for people to see, read and resonate with my work. I could just focus on writing and reading other writers’ work. The genuine interactions we have with each other and wanting to see each other succeed help us to grow. Not #likeforlike or any of that nonsense, not here.

It gave me space to think about which platforms I wanted to intentionally give my time to and contribute my art to. I have hated Instagram for a very long time now, so why was I stressing myself out and forcing myself to stick to a posting schedule? Nothing about a posting schedule for Substack feels forced or degrading. I used to think I wasn’t capable of sticking to anything or pursuing more than one project at a time because it was simply too overwhelming or I just didn’t have the stamina for it. When actually, I just didn’t like what I was doing or the platform I was doing it on. Now, I run a casual little book blog on tumblr, I have a cosy YouTube channel and a weekly newsletter, (and a full-time job!) and I’m not crumbling under the pressure. All of these platforms agree with me so I’m having a good time.

I have a long list of food allergies and intolerances and I’m officially adding Instagram, TikTok & co to that list.

When I realised I could skip out on the self-promo, it allowed me to take the final step I needed to deactivate my Instagram profile for good. Substack has new features, sure. I heard a couple of grumbles when Notes was first introduced, but Substack doesn’t shove these things into your face. You can avoid Notes by letting the app open into your Inbox instead of your Home screen, which is something I do so I avoid endless scrolling. I barely notice the Media tab at the bottom of the app. Is short form videos a thing on Substack yet? I remember reading something about it but I couldn’t tell you if it has been fully implemented or not. I’m not even sure there is video on this platform at all. If I’m not interested, I don’t have to see it. Unlike Instagram and its ugly feed of 3:4 reels that don’t fit the screen, 1:1 and sometimes 4:3 photos, ads that have been listening to my every word and posts that make me either cringe, roll my eyes or feel inadequate.

But it doesn’t just stop with Instagram, I’m more mindful of how I use the internet and technology as a whole now, even Substack. I’m tempted to delete the app altogether and use my laptop or my incredibly slow (a deliberate choice) brand new Boox Go 6 to browse Substack (which is an e-ink tablet similar to a Kindle but with the Google Play Store so I’m living my best reading-24/7-with-no-eye-strain life right now). I have only the most essential apps on my Samsung phone, and when it finally crumbles on me, I’m tempted to get some wildly unknown tiny phone for bare minimum purposes.

Writing on a regular basis like this has also helped me to find my style and voice. I’ve learned that I love writing lyrical essays as well as creative non-fiction, and I’m also learning the difference between all of these terms. It’s even inspired me to get back to writing short fiction again, something I haven’t done since my third year of university, which is horrendously over five years ago now. I no longer feel the pressure to publish or share everything I write, (hi Instagram, again). I’ve learned how to cherish some of my writing and know it is for my eyes only.

It’s also infiltrated other parts of my life too including taking a slower approach, making more time for my hobbies and the things that bring me joy. I’m intentional with how I spend my time, how much energy I exude, when to rest, when to work hard. I’ve learned the things that matter to me most—writing, expressing my creativity, rest, feeling content—and how to arrange my life to ensure these things are at the centre of everything I do. I also read so much more now, and not just on Substack. I feel mentally stable enough to keep up with the news again, stay informed and aware of the world around me, good and bad. But I also know when to step away from all of that and not to feel guilty when I do.

It’s amazing how much can come from centring your calling in this way. By not writing regularly and prioritising other things like social media, monetising hobbies, the #girlboss phase and a host of other embarrassing, unnecessary attempts, it was like I kept growing trees in front of my window, blocking any sunlight from entering. I couldn’t see straight, I kept tripping over things, nothing was working. But as soon as I made space for the sun, suddenly my world was a lot brighter and warmer.

I know Substack was a huge help in giving me a space to practise writing regularly, but ultimately I have to thank myself for actually showing up to the notebook or the laptop every week to do the thing I was meant to do. Finally.

Hello lovely readers, can you believe it, one year on Substack! I hope you enjoyed this week’s (extra long) post. I thought a reflection on what the past year has been like would be lovely for the anniversary and what great timing anyway as we approach the end of the year.

I say this a lot but I truly mean it, all of you who read and subscribe and interact with my writing light up my life. Thank you so much for being here. I can’t wait to write even more for you for another year <3

I thought it would be nice to share both of our favourite posts from the past year below. Enjoy, and I’ll see you next Wednesday. Love you!

your favourites from 2024: