who are you underneath all that society stuff?

detaching your identity from your 9 to 5, why you should keep your side hustles & the magic of journaling

Some people are proud of their jobs. They proudly show off their job titles like a kid with a name tag (it’s cute), but for the majority of us, we don’t care that much. It’s just something to pay the bills, keep the roof over our heads, put food on the table. But even though it’s more like a necessity rather than a source of real joy in our lives, it can easily get tangled up in our identity and perception of ourselves. It can consume us and leave us wondering if we’re more than an office clerk, a receptionist or a sales associate.

One of the greatest journeys we can go on isn’t perhaps to the other side of the world or up the highest mountain, it’s the one we go on with ourselves. Who are you? When your shift ends, when business closes, when no one is looking, who are you underneath all that expectation and societal standards? Maybe you will find some of these answers on the other side of the world or at the top of the mountain but it’s the journey that is going to give you what you need. Because can you really do anything wholeheartedly in this life without knowing yourself first?

There has been a lot of talk about side hustles and multiple streams of income as we all try to keep our heads above these rocky post-covid, conflict-heavy, economy-melting waters. I thought this trend was starting to die down but apparently not. The UK has been named a nation of side hustles and AI can basically do the entire thing for you so it’s only picking up. Despite its negative connotations (read: scammers, dropshipping, overconsumption, online courses, burnout), I still don’t think it’s an idea we should turn our noses up at completely.

Some side hustles are nothing but money-making schemes, like dropshipping useless products and asking ChatGPT to come up with a course for you to sell at an extortionate price, but some of them may have just been hobbies you decided to monetize. This isn’t always bad (Exhibit A), but the demand of your time or the lack of sales may have killed your spirit and so you haven’t picked up a sewing needle or paintbrush since.

But if you pick those tools back up again (without capitalism rearing its ugly head), you’ll start that journey I was talking about.

Through finding out that I like to crochet, it told me that I have patience, I like seeing things come to completion, I appreciate the transition of nothing into something. It also taught me that I am terrible at listening to podcasts at the same time unless it’s so goddamn twisty it’s gripping me by the collar through the screen—so I guess I’m picky with my entertainment too.

Finding out who you are underneath all the society stuff isn’t just limited to hobbies, although personally, it’s my favourite way (and introvert-friendly!). I’ve written an entire piece dedicated to hobbies and why you should pick them up which you can read here.

Journaling can also reveal a great deal about yourself. It’s one of my favourite things to do in the world, and I dread to think of the person I would be without it. Probably quite miserable. 

I sit down at my dining table (almost) every morning and write a page or two of a stream of consciousness. This is where I write whatever comes to mind and see what comes out. It’s usually me unpacking a sticky thought or revisiting recent events and how they made me feel. It helps to clear my mind and release stress. Especially when it comes to events I keep replaying in my head. Once I write it down, it’s gone.

After that, I pick up my essay journal and do a practice I learned from author and journalist Summer Brennan where I write five things that randomly come to mind. They’re supposed to be the basis for essays I can flesh out later on, but I’ve found that they are also a great introspection tool. As you begin writing, your mind has time to slow down and really digest your thoughts, and what results can sometimes be surprisingly insightful. 

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way has a similar practice where she writes three to four pages of a similar stream-of-consciousness style of writing every morning that she likens to a form of meditation. I could do this for hours on end because I know there is essentially no end to our thoughts and between all the simple and nonsensical ones are some really special ones that might tell you a lot about yourself. You’re probably a lot smarter and more insightful than you might think if only you’d take the time to find out.

When people ask me who I am or what I do, the first thing I say is that I’m a writer. I write essays and I journal a lot and I have five thousand notebooks and we’ll laugh. I’ll say I have a Substack and I’m working on a collection, and I also like to crochet and have a little shop I’m working on getting off the ground. And then they may ask how I’m surviving, is my Substack paying the bills? And I’ll say oh heavens no, I wish! I have a day job, I’m a copywriter. It’s the last thing on my list because it doesn’t define me at all. I just turn up, turn on my laptop, tap tap and collect the cheque.

My day job doesn’t factor into who I am at all because even though I applied for the job, someone else essentially gave me all these “priorities” and “duties”. I play a role at work and then I turn off my laptop and become myself again. And I love the person I am right now. I love that through journaling and, wait for it, quiet reflections, I’ve been able to recognise parts of myself I didn’t like and change them. I love that I know myself enough to know exactly what I need when I feel down, that from a huge rack of clothes at TKMaxx I can instantly pick out what will suit me best, that from a book cover, I’ll know I’ll enjoy this book (nine times out of ten).

And if you’re thinking, this all sounds good and well but you don’t have the time, I gently encourage you to look at your screen time or evaluate other points in your day/life that you could replace with something sacred and meaningful instead. You know the whole “He would if he wanted to!” refrain, try flipping that around. You are the most important thing in your life. Find time for yourself.

Because is it really worth spending your entire life not knowing the person you have to be around 24/7?

me as collage! (2024)

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Hello readers! Firstly, please be kind to today’s image, this is my first ever collage, she’s a little shaky I know.

I hope you enjoyed today’s essay. I found this one a little tricky because I never want to come across as preachy or like I’m telling you what to do? I just think we place too much attention on our jobs (unless you genuinely like yours, go you), and we should concentrate on the people we are when we’re not at work. Those people are definitely more interesting.

Let me know if this resonated with you at all and thank you again so much for reading! Every like, comment and subscribe makes my heart jump all the way to the moon and back again :’)

I’m off to the countryside for a week so I’ll be sending you all soft, cottagecore vibes from there. Love you all and I hope you have a lovely week <3

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