why i feel like i have my life together (most of the time)

showing yourself kindness in the morning as the path to a good life

Mornings are my favourite time of day. I love waking up before the sun and watching it greet me slowly in the sky. I love being in the middle of a flow state—perhaps reading a book or writing in my journal—lifting my head and seeing my living room has been flooded with sunlight (albeit very shallow flooding at this time of year). Mornings are when I get to relish in activities that reaffirm who I am and an opportunity to show myself love. And because I start every morning like this, I can say that I have done something kind for myself every day. And the ability to do this, to me, is what a good life is.

When people talk about “the good life” or having their life together, they think of external things like careers, relationships, finances and material possessions. How’s your marriage? Are you in the right profession? How much money do you make? Do you have a degree? What sort of car do you drive? But I think these are the wrong questions to ask. I think we should be asking questions our souls can answer instead of our heads. How much kindness have you shown yourself recently? What’s a kind thing you do for others regularly? How do you make yourself happy when you’re down? What are three things you like about yourself that don’t include how you look?

One thing I’ve always admired about myself is my vivid imagination. Ever since I was a child I’ve loved stories—reading, watching and writing them. I’ve always been able to have clear images in my head of what characters look like and how the story moves along. I created countless imaginary friends and stories in my head as a child. Now, I honour that little girl by making that a priority in my life today. I am constantly surrounded by stories that I can jump in and out of whenever I please. It’s a way of showing myself love. And in turn, this makes me feel good. When I read on a regular basis, I feel good on a regular basis. I’m able to say: I’m having a good time and mean it.

To make sure I’m consistently having a good time, I make the most of my mornings. You could even say I have a morning routine. There has been a lot of talk of morning routines online recently, #cleangirlaesthetic #productivitybro and the such, but I think we all know by now that these are nothing but performative. Morning routines don’t have to look one certain way. They don’t even have to be the same activity every morning, they just have to be something you enjoy that gives you the best start to the day possible. 

There is something special about the purity of the morning. It’s a blank slate, a new start, a chance to make as many good intentions for the day as possible, and making sure I do something kind for myself during that time gives me more of a sense of control in my life overall. And being in control—of the things you can control—in my opinion, is the sign of a good life.

When I think about the times when I wouldn’t describe myself as having a good time, I wasn’t doing anything to make myself happy. I didn’t have any hobbies, I didn’t make time for myself, I didn’t connect with myself in a way that would allow me to learn what makes me happy. I let life take the wheel and shove me here, there and everywhere. I was miserable despite the fact that I had cheap rent, worked on my own schedule and lived minutes from beautiful countryside landscapes. Now I have a full-time job, pay double in rent and live next to the world’s worst neighbours. But I’d choose this version of me every day.

Of course there are many different ways to define having a good life, these will differ among us all, but I think mornings are a good place to start.

If you don’t want to chug a foul-tasting green juice at the start of every day and go for a three-mile run, then don’t. Light some candles and do some painting. Put some music on and dance. Make an over-the-top cup of coffee, heck get the teapot out. Do something every morning that allows you to say that you’ve done something kind for yourself today. Each little action will add up to something so much bigger.

reading babel ft candles (oct 2024)

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Hello lovely readers, have you noticed anything a little different around here lately? I’ve done a little redecorating and slightly changed the name of this newsletter from quiet reflections to finding quiet. I think this name change fits the direction I’m taking this newsletter. Not much will change, I just think I’m beginning to find my style and “niche” for this newsletter which I’m really happy about.

finding quiet is about just that, blocking out the noise of social media and societal expectations and concentrating on finding your own quiet space in the world. I hope this newsletter either helps you find it or is one of the quiet spaces you can come to when it all gets a bit much.

I’ll be posting most of the same things with some added lyrical essays (I found the name for my style!) and nature writing as little reminders in your inbox that life really is beautiful and we have more in common with nature than we think.

I hope you enjoyed today’s post and more to come. Leave your thoughts in the comments, and I’ll see you next Wednesday <3