why tarot cards freak me out
entering my spiritual era with a scarily accurate first-time reading
Weeks after buying myself a tarot deck, I completely forgot I owned them at all. They became a staple decor piece for my bookshelf along with a huge rose quartz crystal, a candle and another set of cards detailing how to read palms (which, unsurprisingly, also hasn’t had much use but she looks pretty). A couple of months ago, however, I decided to give the tarot cards a spin. Or rather, they took me for a spin.
I laid out four cards in a row, face down. The one on the far left represented my past, the next one my present, the next one my future and lastly, advice. I tried my hardest to set an intention while shuffling the cards (even though I wasn’t sure I was doing it right) and laid them out in front of me.
My intention setting must have worked as suddenly I was looking into three mirrors.
The Past – Ten of Pentacles
Everything in your life is coming together, magically.
When I think of the past, I think of my early 20s living in Manchester and trying everything not to feel incredibly miserable. It was the height of Covid, I was on immunosuppressants and couldn’t even open my front door for fear of catching something. I was away from my friends, family and, most importantly, frequent public transport. (I will never take these London buses for granted ever again.)
I started my very own self-discovery magazine and kept myself busy. I loved being in my editor-in-chief era and becoming a certified #girlboss. This is also when I became a freelance copywriter (and had several unsavoury experiences I’m going to detail in my next podcast ep). I didn’t know it at the time, amidst my depression and overeating, but all of these things allowed me to end up where I am right now. It gave me the experience and confidence I needed to land my job today in London.
If you had told me everything I was doing back then was setting me up to live in London(ish), see my friends regularly, work full time at a place I don’t hate and love my life, I would have laughed in your face, rudely.
The Present – Two of Cups
There’s a super amazing person in your life right now, or there is about to be.
I’m going to keep this one brief because I know the person I’m writing this one about is reading this and I don’t want her to get a massive head.
When I first drew this card, my first thought was, of course, my boyfriend but that’s almost cheating. He’s always going to be the amazing person in my life so maybe there is someone else. And there is! She’s cool and lovely and I’m glad I met her, that’s all I’m saying !
The Future – Eight of Pentacles
There can be no success without hard work.
After deciding I wanted to pause the magazine indefinitely, I wanted to focus more on my own writing. And guess who had just found Substack!
Writing has been at my core since birth. There is nothing else that makes me feel as whole and as happy as when I’m writing. Finding Substack has allowed me to pick up my pen again, after years of not writing a word, and feel like a writer again. I don’t just write an essay every Tuesday for you lovely readers, I write in my journal, I have short story ideas, I write for the collection I’m working on at the moment—I’m inspired again.
All of the writing I am doing now feels like I’m working towards something. And if I work hard enough, perhaps there will be something big to celebrate in the years to come.
Advice – Temperance
Balance is a beautiful thing.
Now here’s where things get creepy. Mere days before this reading, I was having thoughts about who I was. I couldn’t decide whether I was more of a bookish academia type or a spiritual free bird type, feeling like I was teetering on the edge of both and wondering why I even had to pick between the two.
Why not have both? Why not have it all? It said to me. The image depicted on this card is of a woman with one foot dipped in a river and one planted on the earth, effortlessly pouring liquid from one cup into another. You can have it all, life is about balance she says. Of course I can read and collect and love books and stop dead in my tracks if I see a stall selling crystals nearby. Why do I always think I have to choose? (*cough* social media, personal branding, niche niche niche! aesthetic Instagram grids *cough*)
This card gave me a sense of calm, permission to allow myself to be the multifaceted human being we have all been designed to be. I don’t have to fit into a box, I can own Birkenstocks and Mary Janes and the world will still turn.
This tarot reading helped me feel at peace about my rocky time living away from home. It helped me to realise that without it, I wouldn’t be where I am now, that new friendships are still possible for a shy-but-loud-once-you-get-to-know-me, slightly awkward gal like me, and that I don’t have to “choose” a personality.
Being who I am has got me this far, and I really like where I am right now. I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine for another 26 years.
Hellooo, how is everyone’s week going so far? It is mighty warm in the UK at the moment, and I am loving every single second. I told C yesterday that when it’s really hot like this I always crave a really hot and spicy curry. He looked at me like I had a second head which I think is fair. Anyone else like eating hot things when it’s scorching out? Just me?
I have been thinking of posting more things on Substack because I just love it so much here. I appreciate you all loads for being here and I just want to give you even more. I’m working on a collection at the moment (journal entries? mini essays? i’m not sure yet?) all about summer, and I thought it would be nice to post some excerpts here. Tis the season and all. Tuesday will still be reserved for the main essay but you may see my name pop up another day in the week so look forward to that!
Hope you have an amazing time in the sunshine !!
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Awwww I'm just catching up on your posts, this is so nice and reading feels like hanging out with you hehe <3
'bookish academia type or a spiritual free bird type' is a relatable personality split!!!!! lets do both xxx
I, too, love a hot soup when it’s scorching hot outside. Someone once told me that it’s a way to help the body cope with the heat. I’m not sure if that’s verified but I’ll believe it.